Kadyn AND Kai. That's what it's been for almost 4 years. Kai didn't know any different. Kai has done everything with his big brother. Everything. They went to the same preschool, were in the same swimming lessons, sleep in the same room, had the same summer camp...the list could go on and on. Kai very rarely "thought" on his own...whatever his brother wanted, or whatever his brother was doing, well, that is what Kai wanted as well. He is 3 going on 5. He is more coordinated than many 3 year olds so he can keep up with Kadyn. He is braver than many other 3 year olds so he can keep up with his older brother. He would often check what Kadyn's wants and needs are because gosh darn it, then that is what his wants and needs are too. He would also often check Kadyn's emotions to figure out how he was supposed to react to something. Kadyn AND Kai.
Interestingly, as the time approached to have a new baby in the house I was less nervous about that than I was about Kadyn starting kindergarten. I was afraid of how Kai would handle his brother being gone all day (Kadyn chose to go to all day kindergarten!). I was nervous that Kai therefore wouldn't want to go preschool. I was nervous that Kai would be devastated and not know what to do with himself. In my heart I knew that this was also one of the best things for Kai...independence; a chance for him to learn who HE is. Regardless, my heart broke for the change that was coming. My heart ached for how things would be different now between them. Would they remain such good friends?
At the same time my heart was aching for Kadyn. Did I mention my
baby first born was already starting kindergarten?! Kindergarten. Such a huge milestone. He would be gone all day--9-3:30 M, T, Th, F and from 9-2 on W. Even though he went to preschool 3 mornings a week, I still felt I/we were able to have so much influence on him. But going to kindergarten initiates the decline in our influence. And, just as I knew in my heart that this was one of the best things for Kai, I also knew that this was one of the best things for Kadyn. He is ready to launch. He is ready to truly learn. But darn those pregnancy and post partum hormones.
Before Lukah was born I made sure to take Kadyn out to get school supplies and had both boys pick out a backpack and lunch boxes. They were also very excited to pick out their back to school outfits...and boy oh boy were they particular about their choices. We talked (or rather I talked at them) about how things were going to be different, what might be scary, what was going to be fun and excited, and most of all how we were still going to love each of them and encourage them along this new path. We were fortunate to able to see Kadyn's classroom and meet his teacher at the "meet the teacher day" on August 30 (yes, Lukah was only 4 days old) to help ease the fear/nerves. His teacher is amazing. She is so sweet and we have heard nothing but great things about her. We feel very blessed that Kadyn is in her class.
On the eve of Thursday, September 6th I set out their clothes and backpacks and made sure I had stuff to make eggs and waffles and pack their lunches. Then, after putting the bigger boys to bed I sat down to feed Lukah and half way through feeding him Kadyn came out of his room and announced that he couldn't sleep. My heart ached a little more that I couldn't scoop him up and ease whatever fear might be gnawing at him. I sent him back to bed and told him I would be right in to cuddle. However, when I went in a few minutes later he had already fallen back to sleep. Moment missed. Luckily, I got my mommy moment later in the evening...1am to be exact. He woke up again and this time I invited him to sit by me on the couch while I finished feeding Lukah. He didn't want to talk to me, but wanted to listen as I calmed his fears and was just able to be in his presence. After putting little brother down I was able to cuddle him back in his bed and soak in the moment. It was then that I realized just how much my little man is growing up but also that despite the outside influences he will be experiencing we still have a little bit more time where he will actually listen to us and want to be around us.
I did shed a few tears after I dropped the boys off at their first day. We dropped Kai off at preschool first and took the obligatory first day of school photos...to which the boys would only take a decent photo if I was in it (above). Kai had tears pool in his eyes as we said goodbye, but he held it together and sauntered off to join his class. And Kadyn? Well, he clutched his daddy's hand tightly as we walked in to his new classroom with a shyness that quickly fleeted when he saw a buddy from preschool and almost forgot to say goodbye. But as we were getting ready to leave he turned around, wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug that I hope to remember always.
Though it has been an adjustment juggling a new baby, getting kids to and from school, and having a completely exhausted kindergartener at the end of the day, they are both doing well and both thriving. Kai asked to go to preschool an extra morning each week and has really (in just a week!) started to come in to his own with friends in class. And Kadyn has already won an award for awesome behavior, and has decided that his favorite part of the day is recess. It's not to say everything has been peachy though. Kai spends the afternoon asking when Kadyn is going to get home. But then the second we pick Kadyn up the bickering starts. The bickering when Kadyn gets home from school is two-fold...Kai is expressing some anger towards Kadyn for deserting him (at least that is what I imagine is going on) by digging in with the button pushing and Kadyn has been so exhausted that his emotional maturity to handle it goes out the window. I know it will all iron itself out though. And I am so glad that I am able to be front and center a part of it.
