Happy birthday Lukah

Somewhere between maintaining budgets, writing a business plan, tending to 3 boys, trying to make summer fun and intentional, tending to 3 boys, deciding to sell our house, figuring out this whole stay at home mom thing, and tending to 3 boys...our baby decided to go and grow up on us. Today he is 1. One. He has completed an entire year in a blink of my eye.

photo credit Nellang Photography

Photo credit Nellang Photography

This has been one of my most challenging years despite Lukah being an amazingly easy baby. I went from working mom to stay at home mom (yes, this is work too!) and had to learn what that meant. I went from being a well respected, successful, business woman to feeling like my success was being marked on how clean my house is, how well behaved my children are, if I have a nutritious meal every night and lunches made every day. I put such an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself that I lost touch with what it truly meant...it is not about me. Rather, it is about these young boys that I have the privilege of raising and loving so they can be great men.

6 months

6 months

But I digress. Today is Lukah's first birthday. I get amazingly sentimental and emotional on first birthdays. Well, really any poignant mark of growth and change. But definitely first birthdays. I found myself crying at random points in the day yesterday thinking about how beautifully Lukah has fit in to our family. How much love the older boys have for him. How much love Ryan and I have for him. And grasping to hold on to all those special moments and memories, ingraining them in our brains, storing them for future. Memories like the excitement the older boys had when we told them there was going to be a new baby. Grasp. Their anticipation and careful selection of outfits to determine if they would have a new brother or a new sister. Grasp. Their eagerness in meeting and holding our sweet baby boy for the very first time. Grasp. The newness nestled in to the crook of my arm and inhaling the beautiful new baby smell. Grasp. His beautiful, perfect lips parted ever so slightly as he slept warm against my chest. Grasp. The smile that lights up any room. Grasp. The adorable baby rolls that are already thinning out. Grasp. The way he speed crawls over to Dada and begs to be picked up and carted around in the morning while he gets ready for work. Grasp. His sweet little voice, deep belly laughs, and huge pinchable cheeks. Grasp. And even being the 3rd boy it's amazing how such a tiny person has filled our hearts completely.

8 months

9 months

9 months

10 months

And now that baby isn't so tiny making me want to grasp that much more. He's speaking words (bye bye, ball, up, uh oh, bath, mama, dada), he's pointing, he's crawling proficiently and isn't far from walking. He's discovering his will, his wants, his likes and his dislikes. He doesn't miss a thing. He knows when he's doing something he shouldn't be and getting away with it...his huge ear to ear smile gives him away instantly. And his huge smile? Still perfection. Still our light.

With each grasp I also recognize I need to let them each go and encourage them to each grow despite my desire to pause time and my desire for them to stay little awhile longer. Instead, I've realized much of my job is as cheerleader from the sidelines. Encourager from the bleachers. My job is more important now that it ever was before. And I am finally, finally feeling like I am getting the hang of it. And this little baby boy has aided me in a way I would have never dreamed. 1 year ago a new journey began. A new chapter was written. And 1 year later I am so proud to be this little boy's mama. Happy birthday sweet boy. Happy birthday Lukah Kalani. You bring so much joy and light to our lives.