Kadynism...
Daddy: "Kadyn, you must have your mommy's genes."
Kadyn: "No, mommy has her own jeans, they wouldn't fit me. Mine are just right."
Of course, we knew the humor behind the dialog. However, it wasn't until after the conversation that I really stopped to think about what he said. Kadyn, in a way, was right...my genes won't fit him...his are just right. He is his own person, unique and wonderfully made. He may have our "genes" but he also has his own genes that "fit" perfectly.
According to the pediatrician, Kadyn is the most severely allergic kid in the clinic right now...and it's a big clinic. Allergies seem to be linked to your genes. Although his genes seem a bit too big for him, (anaphylaxis seems so severe for such a little boy), I have to remind myself that God created him. God's eyes saw Kadyn's unformed body. And all the days ordained for him were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). To God, Kadyn's genes have the perfect fit...nothing too big, nothing too small.
Now that Kadyn is 3 I would love to enroll him in a preschool. However, something is holding me back from sending him. Only in the past few days have I realized that it's because I'm scared to hand his life over to someone else...someone that I don't know, and don't trust. Questions flood my mind..."will he eat something he isn't supposed to have?" "Will the staff forget to read the labels on snack foods?" "Will the staff know how to properly administer an epipen?" "Will they know when to and not to give the epipen?" "Will another allergy present itself unknowingly?" (A few weeks ago he had another allergy scare...with walnuts...a nut we thought was on the "safe" list. He complained of his throat feeling funny, then threw up 3 times, then his face got puffy and his nose got so stuffy I couldn't even understand what he was trying to tell me when he spoke...scary.) It's frustrating as a parent knowing that these "genes" most probably came from me/us. However, as his jeans continue to get bigger, and he, older, I realize I need to keep things in perspective. God created him, God will protect him, God has a plan for him. That doesn't mean that I won't be prayerful the entire time, that doesn't mean that I won't ask 100 thousand questions of each preschool I interview to make sure I'm sending him to a safe one, but it does mean that it's time to let go. God is in control.
Kadyn, you are right, your genes are perfect little man. I thank God that he chose YOU for us and I can't wait to further watch as your "jeans" continue to grow.
5 comments:
Seriously Greta that was beautiful...as I sit here crying. You are such a beautiful person and amazing mommy and I can only imagine what it would be like having an extra fear, a big fear, as we go through different stages of having to "let go" and not be in control. It's a good reminder that it isn't us who are in control but God and we have to walk on that water and trust that we will not sink...an impossible thought but one worth having to trust. Love you and will be praying for that peace to come over you as you let little Kadyn enter into the hands of the true protector.
Yes, once again. I cried. Mostly because...I don't want him to grow up either. but seriously I can not wait for him to continue to grow and mature into the boy, teenager, then adult that God has designed him to be...Letting go is oh so bitter sweet. I love you sweet Kadyn. Forever!
Aunt TT
Kids are incredible teachers aren't they. We have learned SO much since having them... they are just so honest and real!
Just wanted to encourage you a bit with the whole preschool/allergy thing. Hannah has a little girl in her class who has multiple allergies to what seems like every type of food. Everyday a different child brings snacks and it rotates throughout the year.
What her Mom has decided to do is provide snacks and bring them in weekly or bi-weekly and the teacher keeps them in a special place. They are snacks that are perfectly safe for her daughter, and then she doesn't have to be concerned that something might be missed. She chooses to skip the snacks entirely brought in by the other kids. It is obvious that when we trust in God we sometimes need to trust in other humans as well. That being said, with as serious as Kadyn's allergies are it makes sense to play it as safe as you can :)
When it was my turn to be a parent helper I observed as snacks were passed out to everyone but her, then the teacher got her "special" snack. Since the other children know that Claire has to eat special food sometimes they all just accept it. I assumed there would be lots of questions from the other kids regarding why she got something different than them but I don't think they even notice anymore. Every plate was licked clean and everyone went back to their activites as if it were no big deal (which it really wasn't!). I guess I was the one who thought it would be a big deal. :)
The teacher said if it's something as simple as a milk or peanut allergy they will ask parents to avoid snacks with these ingredients but since Claire's allergies are so complex both she and Claire's Mom felt it was easiest to avoid the risk.
So just an idea :) And as another side note, for the first couple of weeks I waited in the building where Hannah's preschool was because it felt so weird leaving her there. Then I started walking with the twins near her preschool during class and now I find myself running errands or coming home for a bit until it's time to go get her.
Sometimes some of our steps are a bit smaller than others and that's OK too as long as it's allowing growth for both our kids and ourselves as Mom's!
Not only are Kadyn's genes "jeans" right for him, but so are his Mommy and Daddy. God knows it ALL!
Thank you everyone for the kind words, affirmation, and thoughts!!
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